Most Christians in this condition seem to learn to fake it and hide the fact that a death has occurred, and God hates this deceit behind the legal document of marriage. This seems to be a more and more common tactic among abusing, controlling men. So true Libl for many of these patterns. What is usually beneath the surface IS an actual divorce..
Divorce by one spouse in their mind, then divorce in their body and their soul. Again… they write their own rules, comforts and Jesus. Lord let us stay aligned to your Word! There is the Godly idea that marriage is for life. Then there is the ungodly licensing and liberties mankind takes to bank on that piece of paper and never have to tend to or nurture the marriage or let it change our hearts by rooting out the sinful practices we might be engaged in that kill it.
To have people tell such ones that there is no hope for them to ever be free from such bondage and torment as a destructive marriage is to sentence them to death. If not physical, certainly emotional and perhaps spiritual. Because it is so predictable in ways right.
The cluelessness works for a bit… then they try how mentally ill a person is.. Thankfully we know WHO sees all and eventually they have to give an account regardless if they are saved or unsaved. Bless you … id bring you your favorite dish if I could! Leslie, your post is so timely! I have been struggling with this same question the past couple of weeks, trying to find the balance between living in reality and holding on to hope. For the sake of my children, I feel that God has called me to stay in a destructive marriage where I have more influence over them, rather than abandoning their welfare to the vagaries of a court system that would have split custody between me and their father.
My choice has strained relationships with friends and family: One group is concerned about my safety and well-being and accuses me for not looking out for myself. Another group berates me for not fully re-engaging with my husband emotionally, physically, or financially. Even our counselor claims that I am setting us up for failure if I do not let my guard down.
I would love to let my guard down, but I feel that is an ideal set aside for normal, healthy relationships and to do so in my marriage would be foolish. I have seen no meaningful change or even acknowledgement of the damage my husband has caused, and I have no desire to make myself vulnerable again until I feel it is safe to do so. In the meantime, am open to the possibility that my husband may change, but I have come to see that unfulfilled hope only increases the tension in our relationship.
Every time I try to make up for his failures with kindness and respect and he still responds in a selfish, immature way, my anger bubbles back to the surface. How can I continue to live right when he treats me so wrong? The answer is by re-directing my hope: I hope for a husband who loves and respects me. I hope for a spouse who sets his desires aside to meet the needs of his wife and family. I hope for a partner in life who helps me reach my dreams as much as I help him.
Those hopes may be normal and reasonable, but they are not being met by my earthly husband. Will they ever be? But I am not going to set my heart on it. Instead, I am going to live in the reality of who my husband is now and set my hopes in my spiritual husband. A husband who will provide a future and a hope for me and my children that is better than what I see now. Who can work all things together for our good, even if they are not good in the moment. Who I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is deeply and passionately in love with me and will never abandon me.
I think both sides probably think they have your best interest in mind. We answer to Him. I pray that you will be able to walk in dignity and CORE strength as you attempt to live with your unrepentant husband. I pray you can remain as impolite dad possible. May the Lord direct you, strengthen you, and keep you open to His voice every step of your way.
Thanks T. After my emotionally, mentally and sexually abusive husband of 20 years stopped paying the mortgage, we lost our beautiful home. My two teenage children are just devastated, as I am. I I decided thats enough. I moved separately into a new home and he got an apt. I had already filed for divorce a year earlier, but kept stalling it because i was afraid to pursue it. Hoping being served with divorce papers wd wake him up.
He became angry, bitter, nasty and continues to blame me. He takes absolutely no responsibility for his actions.
No remorse, no repentenance whatsoever. My husband lies, avoids, manipulates, and everyone believes him. Of course, he is highly decorated detective. Calm, cool and collected. I am the emotional, unstable wife, who talks too much. I ended up storming out of the last session because of the bias in that office.
This counselor refuses to hold my husband accountable for his words and actions. I called him today and told him I am not going back to counseling. It is fruitless and only making things worse. There is no change at all in this man. The marital relationship is completed broken, it has been for the past five years, including no intimacy. Yet that is all my husband wants is sex.
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And if he cant get it, he wants some type of affection. I told him I cannot do it. He is a very controlling man.
He manipulates and intimidates me. He uses fear to control me. He calls me names and embarrasses me. He disrespects me. He mocks me. I feel so foolish and devalued. I am so worn out trying to prove to people that its not my imagination. His words hurt me so deeply.
https://recomenta.tk He has no idea and frankly does not care. Its all about him. He is completely indifferent. Having said all that, I must now make a decision, do i want to pursue a legal seperation or divorce? The judge says I cannot stall any longer. I am tormented. I have searched the scriptures for wisdom.
I do not want to grieve the holy spirit, or disobey God, or bring terrible consequences on myself if I divorce him. Gods word is clear…the only acceptable justification is infidelity. Now what? Im bound to this marriage until he is unfaithful to me, and in the interim, I continue hoping one day god will convict him and he will repent?
He says he wants the seperation, not divorce. Of course, that is his way of still maintaining what little bit of control he has left. I had never felt more hopeless in my entire life. But God, you see how he treats me. I am sick emotionally, mentally and physically with IBS flare ups from so much strife how could you demand that I must stay? But Jesus says, if you love me, you will obey my commands. I have to give this lawyer an answer.
Does anyone have any words of advice for me? I feel so alone. Like no one understands and I have no one to turn to. Rose, not all counsellors are the same.
Not all pastors make good counsellors. Find someone to help you, because irregardless of what happens to your marriage, you will need help for you.